Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
