then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Never joke about your clitoris.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
