went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
