I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
