dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
