I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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