he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
