saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
