Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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