I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
