How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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