saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
