okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
