Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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