Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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