Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
