I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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