Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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