I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i will never coherently bang her
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
