she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
