FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
