she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
True college students do jello shots in the library
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
