Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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