turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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