He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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