i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
