She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
