i already hear my dad disowning me
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
This baby is an asshole
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
