You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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