Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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