My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
