he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
