Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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