we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
