My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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