Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
