I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
