Jerry, you need to find god
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
