Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
