Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
