If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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