That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
