do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
