she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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