in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
