We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
PANTIES FOUND
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