I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
