Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
