you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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