glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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