I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
