i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
