so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
