i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I deserve this hangover.
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