doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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