does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
